I find myself having quite a bit of profound moments during my daily cycle, aka my every day life. We all have them don’t we? These moments of how did I get here?
Before marriage and before children, my daily life cycle didn’t bother me. In fact, I never really noticed that most days I did the same thing. The difference then was me having something to look forward to. Can’t wait for the weekend to come so I can … or Next week we are taking a trip to… 2 kids and a marriage later, most days are painfully the same. Eat, clean, sleep, repeat. So what do I have to look forward to?
People who work can look forward to a pay check, at the very least, for their hard work. People who are single can look forward to girlfriend, boyfriend time or time with friends. What do I have to look forward to? I hate the spiel of, it will pay off, what your doing is important,your kids will really appreciate it Listen, there is no guarantee they will, and I definitely do not do this job because I hope they do. One thing I firmly believe and will elaborate in another post, is I shouldn’t expect to be reward for doing what I am supposed to do. My kids didn’t ask me to be here, I am supposed to take care of them (until 18) and expect nothing in return. So again, what do I have to look forward to, each day to keep me going? Outside of play-dates, and a chauffeur? Let me say, that for moms who always wanted to be a stay at home mom and love this type of work, do not read further. Moms who became mothers but never dreamed of it or saw it in their future, one is for you! Kids were not in my plan. So I guess the cycle of servitude feels exhausting. At times it feels pointless, and worse of all overlooked and under appreciated.
What do you expect
You can’t really prepare yourself for the sacrifices you will make for your kids and family. I didn’t realize how much in my everyday life I give up just to keep the cycle going. Some moms are so together they manage to have a dynamic life instead of a static one. They manage to have a career and family. The irony is, they think because they can, anyone else can as well…but not so! We are not all cut like that! What I mean is the things that motivate me or what I may be good at aren’t things that I can just pick-up and do for a career choice without greatly affecting my family. For example, I see some mothers, buy and sell things as a business, photography, baking, even writing. These are all great jobs, all of which give flexibility, but we are not all good at these jobs. Those moms, give me replies like, You can still be a mom and do…, How about you try to do…, You can do it all!
I don’t need your suggestions, your pressure, or your ego! I promise we are not walking in the same shoes!
Seriously?!? We don’t all have the same nerves or drive to do certain jobs or skills. Unless I say, I wish I could do or do you have any advice or how did you do it? I just want to express my frustration and congratulate you on your success.
learning our limits
I am very goals oriented. Anyone who knows me knows I cannot do anything half way. In knowing this about myself I try to be very careful about what I get into. This is why I don’t take on certain career choices until I am ready. I also don’t pick up random tasks just to quit half way through. For example, moms have told me I should join girl scouts, or join certain clubs to the betterment of my child, Umm hello? I think my child would rather have a rational whom isn’t losing her mind or nerves because she is over tasked. To moms that do it, you deserve and award, to moms that don’t, you deserve one too, because you know your limits. I know moms who start out with the best intention and then have to quit half way through because they took on to much. It’s great they tried, but what about the people who have to compensate for when they quit? Know your limits, or learn them, think things through and consider the situation you may be placing others in. I write this to say, if your fed up with your cycle now, don’t introduce more strenuous tasks. We don’t have to be super heroes, we are already super moms!
Changing our habits
My first priority is to make sure I can keep a balanced cycle for my family, which means a healthy outlet. My cycle always incorporates some small activity and I mean one small thing at least that I can do for myself each day. Pick one thing, doesn’t have to be big. I always aim small so it can be done. Some things are:
- Quietly have a drink (cup of coffee, a beer, wine, wine cooler, etc)
- Dessert (doesn’t have to be sweet, mine is yogurt with my daughter)
- exercise (yoga, walk, bike, etc)
- 30 min reading (book, article or an audiobook)
- talk time with friends (Friends or family. I prefer friends because you can cut them off if things every turn ugly. It’s harder with family. I exclude partners, because most people don’t feel they can talk to their partners. Usually after work their patience is thin. I prefer to talk with my spouse, and I usually can)
- Movie time (I play movies while I handle the clothes. I play them on my phone so i can hear them while I am doing laundry, and watch them while I fold)
The key here is when you accomplish “the thing:, don’t disregard it or trivialize it. Each day before you go to bed, think and say to yourself, I had fun during my__________ time. Talk about it with someone. Really appreciate the fact you slowed down your schedule and did something for yourself. No one will slow down your schedule for you. By introducing some thing, you can now look forward to something each day!
My Small Thing
My small thing is exercising. I wake up at 5:00am and do a 25 minute work out. I break a sweat every time. If I don’t, I am not satisfied. I do do other things like drink coffee, however I do this on the go, so it is not a moment that I can reflect and think to myself, I had a nice coffee break. Another outlet I have is talking to people. I am careful about who I share my energy with because some people can bring me down, or make my precious moment feel worthless, with their negativity. Be careful of emotional vampires! It is a real thing that I have experienced and will share in a later post.
If we don’t make things better they won’t be, if we don’t change our habits they won’t change, so if not us then who?